Why the pressure to be perfect is impacting our mental health

We all make mistakes, to err is human, and so on. These phrases are clichés for a reason, and yet many of us continue to strive for perfection in our personal, professional and social lives.

Sophia Durrani, managing partner, strategy at media agency UM explains that they recently carried out some research to see how prevalent this feeling is, as it has major implications for how people behave – and, more importantly, for their ongoing mental health. It revealed that 41% of the 1,683 adults from UK and Ireland we surveyed – with a roughly equal gender split – would describe themselves as ‘perfectionists’.

That figure is highest in young adults, as more than half of those aged 16-24 and around half of 25-34s identify that way.

Unsurprisingly, that need for perfection puts a lot of pressure on our shoulders – and it seems women are facing the perfect storm, both in the workplace and from society at large. The study further revealed that women are not just perfectionists but they feel the pressure to be perfect the most acutely: 75% say as much, compared to 62% of male respondents. Some of the biggest areas where they feel this pressure are being a parent, being attractive and meeting family expectations.

In addition, and perhaps most relevantly for the business community, around a third of adults say they feel the most pressure while at work. Although more men say they feel this pressure than women, they’re rarely under pressure to “be attractive”, “look nice” and “always be on good form” in the workplace the way women are. The research found that these pressures affected females the most.

Frankly, these figures should be a wake-up call to managers about mental health in the workplace, particularly for their female employees. A huge amount has been written about the negative effects of stress, and according to the Health & Safety Executive more than 11 million days are lost at UK businesses every year because of stress at work. If nearly half of employees consider themselves perfectionists, with all the associated pressures that entails, that figure is unlikely to go down without serious help.

These findings highlight that businesses need to do more to respond to the challenges of this constant pressure to be perfect – to do more to help their employees in the moments that matter. Hence more and more are developing initiatives designed to reduce stress and bring balance back to their employees’ lives.

In some cases, that means smarter, more agile working practices and understanding that not everyone works the same way. Email policies, for example, can reduce pressure on employees by noting that an immediate response outside working hours, even to a message from the boss, is not expected.

There are other potential initiatives for businesses to try too: ranging from mindfulness meditation to health and fitness courses to flexible and remote working. And let’s not forget the impact that one-to-one coaching can have on employees’ wellbeing in the workplace.

But it has to be more than this. Yes, these programmes are really helpful in helping employees manage stress, but this doesn’t get to the root of the problem. We need to radically rethink our attitudes to what’s realistic, as opposed to the ideal outcome in the workplace.

Essentially, something has to give. It isn’t feasible to be a high-flying executive and a domestic goddess managing an unfair share of the domestic load and to be the perfect parent. Yet we try and that’s simply not possible unless we can afford help or have (willing) family living nearby. Let’s be realistic, the former is highly unlikely for the average millennial. And then there’s the constant guilt: either you aren’t achieving at work, or you’re letting down your nearest and dearest.

Perfectionism means everything takes longer. And so either you put in the extra hours, or other things start to slip. Either way, perfectionism can breed stress and ultimately leads to burnout. It’s little wonder that there’s a lack of senior women in the highest echelons of the business world – and that’s not healthy for anyone.

Photo by Gokil on Unsplash

Fighting burnout in the workplace

Burnout is a health hazard in the workplace. Paul Friday, Director of Strategic Relationships at leading HR and payroll provider MHR explores how HR can help protect employees from stress before it spirals out of control.

Be honest…do you ever dread going to work? Do work worries hang over you all weekend to the point where you can’t relax or enjoy yourself?

We all feel stress from time to time. But if you feel like that all day, every day, to the point of exhaustion then the problem isn’t just stress. It’s occupational burnout, something that’s just been recognised as a legitimate medical diagnosis by the World Health Organisation (WHO).

HR would act fast to fix something that causes physical injury to employees, but what about their mental health? That has a physical impact, too. And stress can be contagious.  It’s time to take a closer look at the causes of burnout and how HR can help save people from its grip.

What is burnout and how do you recognise it?

Burnout is chronic exhaustion caused by long-term workplace stress that has not been managed successfully. Its symptoms are:

1. Feelings of depleted energy or exhaustion.
2. Increased mental distance from one’s job, or feelings of negativity and/or cynicism related to working life.
3. Reduced professional effectiveness.

This is not only bad for an individual suffering in their job, but for organisations too. It could mean a reduction in productivity, an increase in absences, and talented people resigning. On a deeper level, burnout should raise alarm bells about the culture of your organisation. Any illness that’s caused by work needs a workplace solution.

Bad relationships can breed a burnout culture

Technology is a double-edged sword when it comes to our personal and professional wellbeing. The speed, convenience and sheer ease of communication that it brings is hugely empowering. For workers who aren’t desk-based, or who need more flexible options, mobile technology is vital.

On the other hand, 24/7 access to work emails and other systems can make it impossible to switch off mentally. When you’re waiting for a stressful situation to be resolved, it’s easy to keep checking that inbox. But are you really just adding to your anxiety? It’s clear our relationships with technology need to change so we can embrace its ability to reduce work pressure, rather than letting it hold us hostage.

Access to fast and easy communication doesn’t always mean that our relationships with each other are healthy. Workplace culture is mostly dictated from the top down, so managers must be sensitive to how their behaviour can influence others negatively. Research by Mind shows that less than half of people with a mental health condition had told their manager. At the same time, many managers are not trained to identify when people are struggling or know how to reach outwhen they do.

The answer is to create a culture where people feel comfortable talking about their wellbeing in the workplace without fear of judgement. And where everyone knows how best to reach out to people who are showing signs of stress – before it spirals into burnout.

What can HR teams do to help fight burnout?

HR teams are in the ideal position to take a lead on tackling burnout. Here are 5 things you can do to help reduce stress in the workplace:

• Create a wellbeing charter – A formal document that states your organisation’s standards and expectations for wellbeing shows a real commitment to your people’s happiness. It can guide training and development goals, and make sure that employee wellbeing is considered during times of organisational change.
• Check in regularly with your team– Regular 1-2-1 check ins with the people you manage can give them a ‘safe space’ to talk about anything that’s on their mind. It’ll also make it more likely that you’ll spot changes in their demeanour. 1-2-1s can be run online for remote employees, to avoid feelings of isolation.
• Train people to identify stress and offer support – It’s not only crucial for people to notice signs of stress in others, but also for people to diagnose stress in themselves. The earlier it’s acted on, the better. Regular training on wellbeing should be mandatory for all staff, starting with their onboarding process.
• Survey your employees for ideas and feedback– You’ll get a sense of what it’s really like at ground level if you can regularly survey the mood and opinions of the workforce.
• Encourage people to use their annual leave – When people are under pressure, they can sometimes feel guilty about taking time off work. Reminding people to use their full annual leave entitlement shows you appreciate they have a life outside of work.

It’s time to change the way we think about workplace stress

In an ideal world, our working lives would be stress free and we’d switch off as soon as we got home. But human nature just isn’t like that, and it’s perfectly normal to worry about work just as we do with any other aspect of our lives. But that doesn’t mean stress should be normalised into your working culture. Burnout is both a mental health and a physical problem, and it shows how our entire wellbeing can dependent on a positive work environment. Organisations have a duty to provide this, or risk becoming the type of employer that nobody wants to work for. Healthy employees mean a healthier bottom line – so act now to make burnout one less thing to worry about!

If you want to talk to your employees about mental health but don’t know how to start the conversation, see our adviceon how to reach out.

Stress: The silent problem within local government that you may never notice

Stress and mental health in local government is often in the news but it isn’t a new problem. Pressure is part and parcel of all work and helps to keep you focused and motivated.

But excessive pressure can lead to stress which undermines performance, is costly to the public sector and can make people really ill. A survey by the mental health charity Mind has reported in the MBJ that public health workers are more likely to be suffering with mental health illnesses compared with those in the private sector, whilst they are less likely to feel supported when they disclose these problems.

The need to tackle stress is recognised in law. Under the Health and Safety at Work Action 1974 and the Management of Health and Safety at Work Regulation [1999], employers are obliged to undertake a risk assessment for health hazards at work – including stress – and to take action to control that risk.

Organisations have a duty of care to uphold towards their staff and failure to put effective measures in place to prevent, or at least give access to immediate assistance, can often lead to heavy financial penalties.

The Challenge

Many employees find they are unable to cope with the pressures of work and become overwhelmed. Add to this, the pressures of commuting and modern day living, the organisation may find that it is suffering with extended absenteeism putting pressure on already overstretched resources.

Every Council will have its own stress fingerprint and with an increased workload, high rising levels of stress can be exacerbated by feelings of job insecurity, prolonged uncertainty and threats of further spending cuts.

This can lead to:

• Low morale
• Loss of confidence
• Physical harm and injury
• Low staff retention
• High absenteeism
• Loss of talent

All of which will affect the bottom line and spirit of the organisation.

The Solution – Build a Healthy Workplace Culture

The solution is not rocket science and does not need to be a costly intervention. Many Councils will already have interventions in place such as an EAP counselling service, mental health first-aiders and health and wellbeing initiatives. However, these interventions will not work unless stress is identified at the frontline. The frontline is of course line Management, team leaders, supervisors and in fact all individuals who have responsibility for other employees.

They are the ones whose role it is to manage their teams, look out for early signs of stress, make time to talk to them and introduce whatever interventions might be needed to support them. An employee may have problems with childcare, flexible working, eldercare, role ambiguity, and the sooner the manager makes the time to talk to them about what they can do to help, the sooner the employee will get back to full performance and productivity.

That is why it is not rocket science!

Wellbeing Habits

Of course, it’s also important for e managers to appreciate that they can’t look after their team members if they don’t look after themselves. Leading by example and having good wellbeing habits in the workplace is key to reducing absenteeism and getting their teams to thrive. If a manager keeps their email on 24/7 and expects their employees to respond every time they write to them, they are setting a very poor example of good wellbeing habits and putting their employees under unnecessary pressure.

Managers are busy people. However, busy people are quite able to ignore their own signs of stress, become an adrenaline junkie and then find themselves on the road to burnout. It can happen to anyone at any time.

Imagine a vase that has been dropped and has been glued and put back together again. You may well be able to use it for artificial flower arrangements, but you will never be able to put water in it otherwise it will leak. It works the same for our bodies. Your body may break down and you might get back to some form of work again, but it will not be in the same capacity.

So, what are the signs of burnout?

• Feeling tired all the time
• Inability to concentrate
• Increased anxiety
• Anger management issues
• Lack of motivation
• Severe health issues
• Prolonged absenteeism
• Lack of care with appearance
• Overuse of alcohol, medication and recreational drugs

But it is important to remember that no two people are the same.

Walking-the-talk

The role of line managers in employee wellbeing is so vital as they are often the first port of call when an employee has a problem. With the right skillset in place, they will have the capability and confidence to tackle those sensitive conversations with an employee, intervene when they can, and signpost to other supportive interventions that may be required.

Managing people and being perceptive about their needs is key to a healthy workplace culture. Now I know Managers may tell me that they don’t have the time to listen to their teams or don’t have the skillset to do so and let us not forget that many managers are promoted into managerial positions because of their technical skills and not because of their people management skills. Accepting the promotion is easy and the realisation that they have to manage fifty people may not actually dawn on them until they are fully ensconced in the job.

If Managers don’t have the listening skills to communicate with their teams, it’s only a matter of getting trained. It is as simple as that. Leaders who support a listening skills culture will enjoy a more productive and profitable team. That is why we offer Senior Executive Masterclasses in active listening. If leaders know how to look after their people, they will look after their team objectives which will drive the bottom line.

What Next?

Managing stress takes practice and discipline. It doesn’t come naturally to everyone as there are so many different calls on your time – whether that be from home or from work. However, it is vital to make mental wellbeing an everyday habit and make sure you build personal and team resilience to manage the ‘21stcentury overwhelm culture’.

You may do little about the stress you’re having to manage at work – in some ways this could be out of your control. But what is inside your control is your resilience to manage it. Take time to learn what it will take to be more resilient, know how to switch off after work, and achieve a healthy work-life balance.

As a manager having the right attitude and mindset will carry you forward. Don’t be an invisible force around the office. Don’t be the Manager who says ‘my door is open’ but always has it closed! Walk the talk and engage with your staff.

Don’t forget that employees like to feel valued and appreciated. A hand-written thank you note will go a long way to increasing motivation and morale – and all for no extra money in the pay packet! It’s really that simple.

Turn a culture of ME into a culture of WE and put a healthy workplace culture, wellbeing and work-life balance, top of your agenda. If you’re unsure of how to develop a culture of wellbeing in the workplace, take a look at my most recent article which explains the benefits of wellbeing and ways to promote it. Don’t sweep stress-related issues under the carpet and think they will go away. Odds are they won’t!

Given how much time we spend at work and how much mental ill-health there is, it is really important that Managers engage, involve and inspire their people – and carry them with them!  They need to encourage a positive working environment where people will look forward to coming to work. A workplace where employees feel included and part of the way forward. The positive impact that this will have on employees will be enormous and the organisation will benefit from a happier, healthier, more engaged and productive team of employees.

Need to Reduce Absenteeism in your Organisation?

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A Case Study

Bill James worked as an IT Specialist in a local City Council for over five years. He knew his boss was leaving and was waiting to hear who was going to take over from him. The CEO called him into her office and asked if he would like the post. More money, more recognition, more responsibility. He jumped at the chance. Three months into post, he realised that managing people was not his forte.  He was a left-brain person; happy with machines but not with people. At first, he didn’t like to admit this to himself but when things started to get out of hand, he went to HR and shared his concerns.  He was ‘not to worry and would learn on the job’. He never did. He stopped sleeping, was answering emails late at night, found himself irritable with his team members and lost the pleasure of going into work. He ignored all these signs until he started to get chest pains and his wife made an appointment for him to see the doctor. The doctor said that if he didn’t start to control his working life, he was on the road to burn out. The next three weeks he looked after himself, switched off from work completely, walked and ate well, and even learnt mindfulness. Bill was one of the lucky ones as he was able pull back from where he was. He went back to work and immediately went to HR where he insisted on some managerial training. 

First of all, he wanted some support in leading his team and immediately put himself onto a listening skills programme for Managers. He had people to manage and had received no training to do so.  He knew he had to recognise signs and symptoms of stress in his team early but did not have the skillset to do so.

His email was out of control, so he placed boundaries and limitations as to when he did and did not answer it. Before he would stop what he was doing every time an email popped up on his screen! He allowed himself to switch his phone off, so he was not available 24/7. He learnt how to close his office door at the end of an evening and switch off from work. 

A year into the post, Bill now heads up a successful team in the Council. There are of course still many challenges due to job security and threats of more cuts, but he feels in control of what he is doing.  He knows he is a role model to the rest of his team and every day he walks the talk and spends time communicating with his team, providing praise and recognition to his valued employees.

Carole Spiers

Carole is the CEO of a leading UK stress management and wellbeing consultancy. She is a BBC Guest-broadcaster and author of Show Stress Who’s Boss! Carole is an international Motivational Speaker and is regularly called upon by the national press and media for comment. She is Chair of the International Stress Management Association [UK], founder of Stress Awareness Day, Fellow and Past President of the Professional Speaking Association, London. www.carolespiers.co.uk